Plain Bagel

It's true that plain bagels have their fair share of advocates. They make a decent blank canvas for all sorts of flavors, whether you're going hard with the smoked lox, spreading some cream cheese on the bagel, or making a sandwich.

Yet, that feature is also the plain bagel's biggest bug. It's, well, plain. This bagel is the beige of bagels. It's an inoffensive canvas for plenty of other delicious bagels, sure, but there's nothing here that would help such a bagel stand up on its own. After all, who hangs a blank canvas up in an art gallery? Seriously, has anyone ever eaten a plain bagel without any toppings, just for the joy of the experience? Of course not.

If someone says that they have genuinely enjoyed a plain bagel, then surely you know in your heart that they are lying. Sadly, chances are good that they're also lying to themselves. Just give that poor soul a better bagel instead. Life is far too short for plain bagels.